I'd go to prayer as if it were hard labour for my soul
And by MY strength I had to strive each day to reach the goal.
I wasn't even honest with my Christian friends, you see
I'd be all sweet and light, but never showed the REAL me.
 

THEY didn't look like sinners with the problems that I had,
I reasoned if they knew my heart they'd think me very bad
And so, for their acceptance, I would hide my thorny heart,
I WANTED to be pure, but didn't know the way to start.
 

With God I was no different. I would go and praise my King
When I felt less like praising than I did for anything!
And I would speak of love when love was furthest from my mind,
When some part of Christ's body hurt, because I'd been unkind.
 

So I sat down to ponder why since I was born anew
My actions weren't as Jesu's were..and I could NOT be true,
And God told me a secret that my mind could not conceive,
MY LIFE WAS CENTRED ALL ROUND 'SELF' and filled to brim with greed.
 

I had to be well thought of,  it was I who wanted praise,
My service should be good so MAN would see my well spent days,
The Centre of the Universe was where I was, just I,
I was the god upon my throne..AND THAT GOD HAD TO DIE.

So I went back to Jesus and I told Him as I knelt
That there was little praise in me..that wasn't how I felt.
I didn't feel like loving Him or praying much that day
I asked His help to change my heart and wash its sin away.
 

I started to be honest and acknowledge what was true,
I WAS a selfish creature. Something God already knew!
I asked Him to release me and to change my selfish will
And there at last the Spirit found a space that He could fill!
 

I didn't have to struggle just to change and be like Him,
I couldn't do it in MY strength..for I was born to sin,
I only had to yield my Will and ask Him to control
The Centre of My Universe..and HE would make me whole.
 

That was the wondrous secret that I learned some while ago,
I'm still a selfish creature and my progress still is slow
But now I've JOY within this heart where FEAR was wont to plod,
For I laid down my selfish crown..and I LET GOD BE GOD.
 
 
 
 

Annette Keeble Martens.
 
 
 

© 2009 Annette Keeble Martens